The Clearly Audible Place of Residence
by TheKeeperOfHominy
Summary: Essentially, it's The Loud House if the show's dialogue was written in a more verbose style of prose. You know what I'm talking about. Can you imagine if the characters actually talked that way? Now you don't have to imagine. (Constructive feedback is wholly appreciated and I intend to update this piece whenever possible. I am not satisfied with this story's cover, however.)


**DISCLAIMER **

**The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody work. The Loud House and The Casagrandes are owned by Nickelodeon, Viacom Media Networks, and Chris Savino. Please support the official release.**

_A**t this point, simply calling this my first addition and asking potential readers to go easy on me would be insufficient. You see, not only did I originally conceive this project as a series of writing exercises, which initially started as a joke amongst friends, but I knew a project of this magnitude would be an ongoing labour for some time. That is why I'm asking for any and all forms of constructive feedback from this point onward to help improve the quality of these "episodes". Yes; I am indeed rewriting all of the The Loud House episodes, including the theme song, in a different**_** _style of language. However, as you may or may not have noticed already, the language in question is of a superfluous, redundant and colourful nature all the same. This is intentional. When giving a review and constructive feedback, if any improvement is needed, please keep in mind the characters' dialogue is meant to be verbose, sometimes even unnecessarily so. I look forward to reading what you have to say._**

**_And now, without further ado, I present to you the theme song for __The Clearly Audible Place of Residence - the __full__ version._**

* * *

_Breaking violently and noisily with great velocity through corridors designed specifically for relatively simple identification and entry into one of several partitioned spaces within a building densely crowded with Homo sapiens._

_Performing swift and sudden evasive maneuvers to avoid collisions or confrontations with Homo sapiens of the female gender possessing XX chromosomes at unspecified ages between the birth and adult stages of life as though they can be compared to the spherical objects commonly used in the recreational activity known as table tennis._

_The aforementioned actions are what is required merely to advance to the room in which conveniences for cleaning various body parts, sanitary disposal of bodily wastes, and other hygienic practices are stored in a punctual manner according to the human perceptual concept of time._

_(Exclamatory interjection used to summon the attention of others! Exclamatory interjection used to summon the attention of others! Exclamatory interjection used to summon the attention of others!)_

_Jumping with great propulsion over soiled articles of clothing and textiles assembled haphazardly into large mounds which are to be cleaned via laundering by hand or by use of an electronic home appliance in which water and a rotary apparatus are employed for automated laundering service._

_Disposable pieces of absorbent materials folded and worn around the waist, buttocks, and between the lower limbs of a newborn Homo sapien not yet familiar with the practice of expelling waste products inside a toilet which the nasal cavity can detect via offensive airborne chemicals exuding from the forenamed soiled materials over an unspecified yet considerably lengthy extent of space measured in units of distance on land significantly greater than 5,280 feet or 1,760 yards._

_A Homo sapien of the male gender possessing XY chromosomes is necessitated, for all intents and purposes, to use whatever means he is capable of employing for the purpose of self-preservation._

_Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence! Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_Lower the head and/or body in a sudden motion with the objective to avoid any and all instances of bodily harm. Perform a swift and sudden evasive maneuver via shifting the position of the body to avoid all manner of injuries to one's self. To press upon or against another person or object with an unspecified part of the body, typically the upper limbs commonly known as arms, with the intent of shifting either person or object to another location; and to exert force in a thrusting motion against another person or object with an unspecified part of the body, typically the upper limbs commonly known as arms or the anatomical link located at the base of the neck which unites the upper limb to the rest of the body that is commonly known as a shoulder, with the intent of swiftly moving either person or object aside from one's concurrent position._

_It is through these actions, contradictory as they may seem to those unfamiliar with our daily life cycles, in which we display high levels of profoundly tender affection spawned from the Homo sapien emotion commonly referred to as "love" amongst ourselves._

_Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence! Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_A singular Homo sapien of the male gender possessing XY chromosomes at an unspecified age between the birth and adult stages of life, in addition to a group of Homo sapiens of the female gender possessing XX chromosomes per individual at unspecified ages between the birth and adult stages of life comprising of the integer precisely known as the numeral "ten" which establishes the bases for both the decimal numeral system and the common logarithm._

_(On no occasion would such a strong, homogeneous relationship be bartered for the third planet orbiting the Sun at a speed of 30 kilometres per second and the only known astronomical object within the cosmos purported to sustain life.)_

_Clearly Audible!_  
_Place of Residence!_  
_Clearly Audible!_  
_Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_A duration of the passage of time one such as myself sets aside for voluntary solitude. An infinitesimal amount of space required to engage in passive activity for the purpose of restoring depleted levels of oxygen and reach figures below the average temperatures of the typical Homo sapien body within said passage of time set aside for voluntary solitude._

_Unfortunately, I must say that I have never experienced such an occurrence in my continued existence when I had possessed even a fleeting moment in time in which my surroundings were utterly devoid, or even comparatively free, of harsh auditory discordance, and to quickly follow, any instances when the general atmosphere was calm and pleasantly uneventful to allow personal recollection of equanimity._

_However, in other situations where issues such as the absence of privacy and regular chaotic bouts of tomfoolery would be considerable drawbacks, the notion of constant companionship and affection is indicative that, at the very least, I will never be afflicted with the crippling psychological effects usually associated with a reclusive existence commonly referred to as "loneliness"._

_Following a more humourous addendum regarding the prospects of living within a substantially large social group consisting of several blood relatives which I have dubbed "my family", we shall never be want for a group of individuals who engage in competitive physical activities or structured forms of play undertaken for enjoyment or educational objectives which, through casual or organized participation, requires proficiency in athleticism and fine motor skills while still allowing for excitement and entertainment for players and spectators in equal measure._

_After much intense deliberation, I have arrived at the conclusion that perhaps such a measure of derangement, which I had previously accepted to be a highly unwanted experience and even inadequate to my personal well-being, could lead to highly satisfactory and/or beneficial developments to my coincidental situation with little-to-no complaints from myself whatsoever._

_Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence! Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_Lower the head and/or body in a sudden motion with the objective to avoid any and all instances of bodily harm. Perform a swift and sudden evasive maneuver via shifting the position of the body to avoid all manner of injuries to one's self. To press upon or against another person or object with an unspecified part of the body, typically the upper limbs commonly known as arms, with the intent of shifting either person or object to another location; and to exert force in a thrusting motion against another person or object with an unspecified part of the body, typically the upper limbs commonly known as arms or the anatomical link located at the base of the neck which unites the upper limb to the rest of the body that is commonly known as a shoulder, with the intent of swiftly moving either person or object aside from one's concurrent position._

_It is through these actions, contradictory as they may seem to those unfamiliar with our daily life cycles, in which we display high levels of profoundly tender affection spawned from the Homo sapien emotion commonly referred to as "love" amongst ourselves._

_Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence! Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_Much praise, unwavering respect, and feelings of warm, personal attachment or deep affection must be given to those whom happen to be our biological female and male parental guardians; for they had remained steadfast in the trials and tribulations of our collective upbringing without either progenitor descending into a state of delirium or finding themselves committed to the nearest institution for mentally unstable Homo sapien minds as a result of our daily shenanigans._

_Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence! Within the Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

_A singular Homo sapien of the male gender possessing XY chromosomes at an unspecified age between the birth and adult stages of life, in addition to a group of Homo sapiens of the female gender possessing XX chromosomes per individual at unspecified ages between the birth and adult stages of life comprising of the integer precisely known as the numeral "ten" which establishes the bases for both the decimal numeral system and the common logarithm._

_(On no occasion would such a strong, homogeneous relationship be bartered for the third planet orbiting the Sun at a speed of 30 kilometres per second and the only known astronomical object within the cosmos purported to sustain life.)_

_Clearly Audible!_  
_Place of Residence!_  
_Clearly Audible!_  
_Clearly Audible Place of Residence!_

**Lily:** _(spoken)_ Solid waste products discharged from the body upon completion of the digestive process.


End file.
